Dear friend,
I know your insecurities, secrets, and aspirations, but can I really know you well despite having no day-to-day interactions with you?
Wind, rewind
I wake in the mornings, a ray of sun dancing through the windows onto my sheets, falling with a weighted blanket of air. Sitting up, the iridescent covers shed from my chest, but the weight remains.
The words that stuck with me
If I couldn’t even be kind and compassionate to myself, then how could I love anyone unconditionally?
Eating tofu pudding again
I feel like I am back in my ten-year-old self once again, content with the joys in life as simple as tofu pudding.
To you. Yes. You.
I’m trying to live in memories and hope for the future and remain in the present moment; impossibly I think I might actually be doing it, but not enough — never as much as I want to.
Expiration
I was nostalgic for a version of myself who didn’t quite exist yet. And, to be frank, it made me appreciative.
Payment in kind
I don't think I ever told anyone this, but I cried many times out of stress over my grades in my time at MIT, and countless more times I have felt … worthless.
Homecoming
I was already starting to count down the days till the first day of IAP.
What P/NR taught me
Besides encouraging me to adopt a healthier mindset when it comes to academics, P/NR has taught me to embrace a lifestyle that has a balance of work and fun.
Taiwan, I miss you
It has been five years since I boarded the plane to move back to the U.S. from Taiwan. As wistful as I was when I saw the green land vanish before my eyes, I thought I would get the opportunity to visit Taiwan a year or two after I left. But I was wrong. Each summer that followed presented a new obstacle preventing me from going back to Taiwan. I’m content with my life in the U.S., but that doesn’t mean my strong feelings of nostalgia for Taiwan have gone away. Whenever I look at old photos of me in Taiwan or flip through travel and dining books about Taiwan, a sudden surge of longing rises inside of me.
Crisp
Crisp air makes my skin feel endless, unable to tell where my body ends and harsh reality begins. All I can notice are my fingertips. Which seems weird.
Learning
Two weeks ago, I failed a math midterm. Relatively speaking, I guess. I just... ran out of time.
A good day,
The kids stole my bed, and I looked outside at orange leaves, and the air seeping through my window felt brisk instead of cold, and I knew my breath would be visible as I lived.
Reset
I’ve been wanting to walk up to MIT, shake her hand, and say “Hi. I’m Paige. I don’t think we’ve met.”
Advice for a first-year college student redux
Part of the problem is that the symptoms are very similar to the symptoms of many other mental maladies peculiar to the first year. Homesickness presents much the same way: a feeling of disorientation, of “something is missing”.
Here’s a sign
We often get into the mindset that if we can theoretically handle a certain academic load, then we should. After all, that is what got us through most of school before college.
Doing something
In the moment, and even now on occasion, I told myself that nothing felt enjoyable during COVID.
‘Although I only hear sounds, the rich dialogue and background noise make this other world feel real’
A new adventure begins every time I play This American Life, a popular radio program.