The Matter Family is Back!
Auntie Matter is still on break—but her family will pick up the slack.
For those of you who are wondering where Auntie Matter went, she’s doing great. She graduated in 2019, dabbled a bit in 2023, but has been disappointed that none of you ever volunteered to pick up where she left off... Anyways, after scrolling through last semester’s MIT Confessions, she started to get worried.
So, she invited us, her family, to give advice on her behalf. After she showed me some of your guys’ confessions…some of y’all really need some advice. Not in an insulting way, though! We’ll never replace Auntie, but we’re here to lend a listening ear.
Here are our biographies—we’re all very different, you see. Fill out this form and choose which one of us you want to give you advice. Because one perspective is never enough!
Gray Matter:
Hello, my name is Gray Matter (he/him). In relational terms, I suppose I am legally married to Auntie, which would make me your uncle. I don’t particularly have many likes or dislikes; I think just about anything can be advocated for if you try hard enough. However, I am a fan of mahjong, golfing, and kongjang (soy-braised soybeans).
I’ll keep this brief. I was invited here after being told that the people need to hear a practical perspective, whatever subtle dig that may be implying to you all. I will, however, be brutally honest and address all confessions with the same degree of scrutiny, so please be forewarned. Especially since I’ve noticed that people have a tendency to over-dramatize situations, painting depictions as starkly black or white. Also, as cliche as it may sound, I have a knack for finding middle ground.
I look forward to hearing what you all have to say.
No Matter:
Hello, I’m No. As in, No Matter. No one seems to know who I’m related to. I’m a hardcore devil’s advocate, so expect poignant advice with sprinkles of goofiness that push you to do things “for the plot.” I’m honestly bitter, yet not vengeful. What else do you want me to say? I don’t like saying a lot because it dilutes the impact of my words.
Doesn’t Matter:
I’m Doe, also known as Doesn’t Matter—despite my name, I actually care a lot about your problems.
Everything Matter:
greetings! i am everything— wow i never realized my self-intro sounded so narcissistic. anyway, i’m auntie’s niece! my specialty lies in telling you exactly what you want to hear!
is it a good idea to stay up binge-watching the new season when you have a midterm at 9:05 am? (we love MIT time!) i say yes.
is it a good idea to text that person who has ignored all your previous initiatives, called you annoying, and stomped on the birthday card you spent 5 hours writing for them? i say for sure, definitely.
and hypothetically, if you’re wondering if it’s a good idea to try the mystery concoction labeled soup in maseeh dining right before your quant interview, i say... let’s not go that far.
but no concern is too crazy for me. bring them all! i’ll give you the empowering, maybe-not-so-practical-or-good-for-your-sanity, but satisfying advice to scratch that itchy “i need to be enabled” ear of yours! i look forward to hearing from you all!
The Matter Hatter:
Call me the Matter Hatter
I’m ready to unpack your chatter
In hopes that a rhyme
Will help you realize–with time
Which things—to you—really matter
Borrowed the Mad Hatter’s name
Although it’s not quite the same
Mine’s a smooth epithet
Rolls off tongues, I bet
In comparison, Carroll’s seems quite lame
If you’re curious, I’m Auntie’s son
My age tends to confuse everyone
“You’re so young!” they say,
“Your advice works? No way!”
But–hey–they always clap when I’m done