Ramblings From Hell
When I was four, I told my mother that I wanted to grow up to be a cocktail waitress. “I never want to leave home,” I said, “I want to stay here with you forever.” Whenever I remember this, I laugh, until I realize that seventeen years later, my desires aren’t so different.
Squid vs. Whale
1 — <b>Civil and Environmental:</b> Congratulations, Barack says you are not frakked. Now start making windmills.
Talk Nerdy to Me
According to my mother, I started “dating” in preschool. His name was Timothy, and when we’d say “goodbye,” I’d lick him across his face in front of both of our mothers. Now, I know this story sounds far fetched, but all my relatives remind me that I greeted them with slobber, instead of a kiss, until I hit the age of 5. Also, there’s a photograph of a birthday party in preschool, and I’m sitting awfully close to a boy, with my tongue hanging out. On the back of the photo, it says, “Christine and Timothy.”
Brouhaha Rhythm
<i>Editor’s Note: This column was originally intended for publication on December 2nd, but due to the lateness of submission, it was pushed back until this issue.</i>
Talk Nerdy to Me
Holidays are about family — and sometimes, that includes the significant other’s family. My parents have not liked any of my boyfriends, and I’ve told every boyfriend to be himself. That was my mistake. It’s not that he can’t be himself — it’s just that he should be the professional version. I might be able to forgive drinking out of the milk carton; however, my dad will instantly go into the bacterial colonization of the defenseless milk. (I should really show him the carton in Pecker.)
Ramblings from Hell
When my mother was in eighth grade, her St. Michaels Catholic School class went on a trip to Bear Mountain in upstate New York. Two kids — let’s call them Patty and John — disappeared into the woods for an afternoon of good Catholic fun. At the end of the day, the whole class had to wait on the bus while the nuns went searching for the sinners.
Ramblings from Hell
Sometimes when I get bored, or when I feel like I’m in a slump, I re-read comics, articles, or stories that have made me smile. There is one comic in particular, from the PhD series, that I read every time someone asks me to check over an important e-mail they have written. It says “Average Time Spent Composing One E-mail …” The first square says 1.3 seconds and it shows a professor writing responses like “No.”, “Yes.”, “Sure.”, “Do it.” The second has a graduate student biting his nails, agonizing over every word of a very long, very polite e-mail for a period of 1.3 days.
Talk Nerdy to Me
The first time I had ever heard about kegels was from my Kotex panty liner.
Brouhaha Rhythm
Being a geek is what I do. Some people are bank robbers, some people are geese-jugglers — I’m a geek. As you might imagine, around here, I am but one of the many, which makes for heated, mostly-intellectual discussion about subjects that normal people would consider beneath their consideration. Those pretentious normal people. Bah.
Talk Nerdy To Me
The media portrays nerds as wearing pocket protectors, taped glasses, and “outdated” underwear. Girls don “granny panties,” whereas guys don “whitey tighties.” At MIT, I’ve encountered pocket protectors and taped glasses, but never briefs.
Ask SIPB
This week, we talk about a few miscellaneous things that might make your life easier.
Ramblings From Hell — Charles Lin
My search for the perfect woman ended in May of 2005 when I wrecked my car as I was driving my ex-girlfriend back from her grandfather’s funeral. Standing by my wrecked Camry watching her hands shake, I came upon the realization that I was not the sort of man that deserved anyone even approximating perfection.
Ramblings From Hell — S. Campbell Proehl
All this talk about electing the perfect man to run the country has gotten me thinking. Is there a perfect man? Not a leader, not a commander-in-chief, but a man. A real man. A man who could be a husband, friend, confidante, lover, and comedian all in one. What would that man be like?
Underground Inquiry
Bottled water is losing ground these days. In major cities all over the world, schools, religious groups, city governments, and restaurants are all ditching bottled water for the free water flowing out of their taps.
Talk Nerdy To Me
Impulsive shopper that I am, I spent an ungodly amount on a Halloween costume last year. Costumes are like red carpet outfits: it’s a fashion sin to be caught in the same one from a previous year. For guys, it’s not as big of a deal because their outfits are rarely memorable in both situations.
Brouhaha Rhythm
Operating under the assumption that I am occasionally funny, this is a humor column, and few things are quite so humorous as the quasi-coordinated trying to dance.
Gadget Review
<b>WHAT IT IS: </b>The fourth generation “iPod Nano” represents Apple Inc.’s contributions to the hot world of portable music and video players, currently a market dominated by Apple Inc.