Sarah Palin = Dolores Umbridge
This will be the first year in over a decade to not have a new Harry Potter book or movie released. If you’re suffering from Harry withdrawal, this election season has the perfect fix for you. You thought the magical world was the only one with a young hero who must save the world from an evil Dark Lord; a failed lame duck Minister of Magic; an old, grizzled Auror promising to make a clean break from said Minister; a pretty blonde reporter with a penchant for stretching the truth; and a Defense Against the Dark Arts (DADA) professor with a “personality like poisoned honey”? We muggles are not to be so easily outdone. Enter Sarah Palin who quite nicely completes this Harry Potter Election cycle.
Ramblings from Hell
Last Wednesday my poetry professor gave me an assignment: Keep a poetry journal, write a poem a day, or write poems at different times of the day. See what happens in the pages over seven days.
Talk Nerdy To Me
I never got the sex talk — my parents handed me a pamphlet, figuring that I’d learn what they considered my usual way; from literature and experts. Well, they were right, I did learn my usual way — the “hard” way. So, here’s some tips how to handle some common issues.
Ask SIPB
Welcome, especially to freshmen and new grad students! Ask SIPB is a column published semi-regularly by the Student Information Processing Board (SIPB), the volunteer student group concerned with computing at MIT, to help students like you learn more about the computing resources MIT provides, and how to make effective use of them. Look for more columns in the future, and feel free to stop by the SIPB office (W20-557) or e-mail <i>sipb@mit.edu</i> with any questions about computing at MIT.
Talk Nerdy To Me
Third base, oral sex, usually generates more controversy than sex itself. Well, even Bill Clinton claimed that oral sex isn’t really sex. He’s right — it’s a lot messier, and everyone has a different opinion of it. The act of giving oral sex really isn’t that complicated for both genders. There are some general guidelines: focus, change motions, use your hands if you need support, watching makes it better, and, whatever happens, don’t use your teeth.
Brouhaha Rhythm
Having now seen <i>Iron Man</i> at least three times on a screen with more square footage than my dorm room, I have by now heard at least three times that Tony Stark graduated from MIT “summa cum laude,” to our everlasting bemusement. Tee-hee-hee. Obviously, since MIT does not give out Latin honors or have class rankings (rendering Weird Al’s white and nerdy achievements conveniently unverifiable), this would be impossible. Unless, of course, MIT administrators both a) found Tony Stark’s underage aptitude worthy of a change in policy, and b) decided that hoity-toity Latin honors would be more befitting the reputation and background of the Institute than modifiers such as “12th level intellect,” “Ph.D. in Epicness,” “Jedi Uber-Master,” or some combination of the above. At this juncture, I’m not really sure whether (a) or (b) is the less likely. To be fair, the “summa cum laude” gaffe stems from way back in Iron Man’s origins in the comics, so the movie’s mistake actually represents faithfulness to the comic book canon, rather than simply poor research. (Sam Raimi, take note.)
Talk Nerdy to Me
<i>Editors Note: This column is part two of a four part series about rounding the proverbial bases.</i>
Talk Nerdy to Me
<i>Editors Note: This column is part one of a four part series about rounding the proverbial bases.</i>
Ramblings from Hell
As I was driving up to Boston from my home in New York for the last time this past Saturday, I remembered my orientation at MIT. For a second I panicked, because it seemed like I had grown up in the span of a second. I now live in an apartment on Beacon Street with a set of pots and pans, a full-sized bed, and a utilities bill — the stuff of old age, or at least the mid-twenties. What if I woke up tomorrow and I was forty years old?
Talk Nerdy to Me
Each year, MIT sends out convenient fliers to incoming freshmen with all the “important” dates listed. However, they leave off the most important date — the day you “break up with your high school relationship.” Maybe it’s because this date varies for each individual. For some freshmen, they covered this months ago. If you haven’t covered it yet, mark your calendar; the days are limited.
Life’s Lemmas
For the second time in as many weeks, we awoke to the sound of a female voice. Normally one would embrace such a welcome. Not today.
Squid vs. Whale
Hello, everyone, and thank you for coming to the MVP Award Ceremony for last weekend’s Lake House Getaway 2008. The weekend was a total success and I’m glad everyone could make it. I think we all deserve a pat on the back for navigating those hazy waters of lounging and relaxation without a hitch. It could have been worse. There was a lot of passive aggressive tension brewing and I’m just glad we didn’t have it out on the patio by the grill. Kudos to my main men — you know who you are — for deflating the situation with well-timed belches and hilarious quoting of lines from Judd Apatow movies.
Ramblings From Hell
When was the last time you felt like a stranger in a strange land? And an unwanted stranger at that?
Squid vs. Whale
For anyone who particularly cares (i.e. anyone not from America), UEFA’s Euro 2008 soccer tournament started up this week. This marks the 48th anniversary of European nations utilizing soccer as a proxy for war. Since European nations began having organized soccer tournaments in 1960, nary a war has been fought in Western Europe — a tremendous accomplishment for nations that used to invade each other for a laugh. Yes, the Union of European Football Associations, and not the UN, is to be praised for our long peace in Western Europe.
Life’s Lemmas
In a past column, I may have mentioned that I used an iron while building a desk and bookshelf. Although I’ve closed the book on the iron, there is more to say about the desk.
Talk Nerdy to Me
Shopaholic that I am, I own five different swimsuits — except, I can’t swim. Well, I can doggy paddle, but flailing pathetically around a pool just isn’t very attractive. I would wear flotation devices, except that’s even less attractive. (But, it’s a fashion statement! Suuure.)