You reel me out, then you cut the string
How to dump someone, the right way. (Hint: Don’t lie)
I recently figured out that the boy I dated last semester was a total fucking waste of time. I kind of already knew that, but hearing the truth to all the lies he fed me when he broke things off was a ground-breaking moment for me. While I am over the whole thing now and glad he’s not around, there’s no getting around the fact that I suffered in the aftermath of the event just because he didn’t know how to ditch me with some finesse. Guys, please learn how to properly dump a girl.
The proper way of dumping a girl, contrary to popular belief, does not involve sitting with her and telling her she’s great but you feel bad because you don’t have enough time to spend with her, and that you just want to be fair to her. Don’t tell her she’s cool and you want to remain friends. There are two interpretations of the “let’s be friends” spiel, both bad: Either you want to keep the door open for some nookie, or you just don’t want to end up as the bad guy. Don’t tell her you’re graduating early and don’t want to have to deal with messy break-ups when you leave, especially when you already knew you were graduating. Ix-nay on “it’s not you, it’s me.” Do you think she’s buying that? Let’s cut the crap, kids — what you really mean to say is that you’re just not feeling her anymore.
Frankly, I just don’t see the point of sugarcoating things for the dumpee’s benefit. The intentions could be good, but it does more harm than anything else. Even worse than getting dumped is getting dumped with a sad excuse and a load of lies. The dumper walks off feeling a bit less guilty, but the dumpee gets hurt anyway. Way to spit on my fucking cupcake and call it frosting; you’re not doing anyone a favor.
In addition to being a doucheface for sugarcoating it, you’re being disrespectful and condescending. Telling people the truth when the situation calls for it is not only a display of maturity but also one of respect. You’re insulting their intelligence when you assume they will never find out the truth. This guy knew I could find out if he’d lied to me, and he still stuck to his story. Perhaps he didn’t give a fuck about what I thought of him and that’s his prerogative, but if he was looking to end things smoothly, he sure failed.
It’s so much easier to just tell the truth, really. Keeping up a lie is quite the endergonic process. Just say, “Hey, I’m not really feeling this anymore and I think we should end it.” Your ex will most likely choose to disappear from your life all the same, but you will probably keep their respect. I respect the guys who have chosen to be honest when dumping me, and even if I don’t talk to them anymore, I think fondly of them. Honesty is good for more than just the dumper — I mean, if I had done something to provoke the break-up, I would have liked to know so I could learn from it before going on to my next relationship.
This guy appeared to make an effort to be friends after dumping me. He even said he didn’t want to get involved with anyone else. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and all that jazz, but I quickly heard, in full detail, about all his subsequent sexual conquests. His story was crap. I got completely turned off from having any contact with him. And realizing I wasn’t the only girl he’d done this to not only made me feel stupid for believing him, but also sympathetic toward his exes and sorry for the girl he’s seeing now. The way this guy behaved has tarnished my memory of him forever. I have zero respect left for him.
And, really, that’s the thing: It might take a while, but the truth eventually comes out, and when it does, you’ll just look like a jackass for lying. No need to lie to spare a girl’s feelings; she’ll get on just fine without you.
M. is a junior in Course 10, and she fucking hates liars. She can be contacted at undress@tech.mit.edu.