On graduating and leaving French House
Why returning to an MEng won’t be the same as being an undergrad
Photo courtesy of MIT French House
For the past month or so, I have been thinking a lot about my undergraduate experience at MIT. For me, senior spring was a strange time — my semester was busy, but at the same time, I still had free space in my mind to reflect a lot on my four years. In past semesters, I was so focused on each upcoming deadline that I got lost in work and didn’t spend much time thinking about how I changed over time.
A lot of my underclassmen friends have asked me, “What does it feel like to graduate?” The complex mix of feelings I have about graduation is unlike anything I’ve experienced in my life. Although I am relieved that I finally reached the finish line of my undergraduate academic marathon, I overall feel bittersweet. I will no longer be living in French House, my main source of community at MIT, and some of my friends in the Class of 2025 will be leaving the Boston area for graduate school or work.
The idea of graduation didn’t feel real until my friend and I submitted our final project for a class the night before the last day of classes. As we chatted on our walk back to our dorm, we realized that we were done with undergrad at MIT. There were no more problem sets to complete, no more midterms to take, and no more essays to write. It was over. Tomorrow was the last day of classes. We then tried to remember our first day of undergrad, which was such a long time ago for us that we could not recall what exactly happened that day.
I had some trouble sleeping that night. As I lay awake in bed, my mind kept repeating the phrase, “Undergrad went by too fast.” I had known time goes faster as one gets older, but never had it felt so sped up until now. So much of my time at MIT was devoted to academics and activities that, by the end of each school year, I always wished that I could have been less stressed and more relaxed, though that wasn’t really practical in reality.
I also had this feeling of regret that came with wanting to do more at MIT, but not doing it in the end simply because my time was limited and precious. There were activities I wanted to do but never did, classes I wanted to take but never ended up taking, and time I wanted to spend with friends but didn’t. Yet it is important for me to come to terms with the fact that, at the end of the day, I only live one life, so it is pointless to consider alternate lives. Nor did I live up to the aspirations I set for myself before coming here. I still believe that I could have had a smoother academic experience here if I had better study skills, time management habits, and work ethic.
At the same time, however, I am pleased that I have achieved things in college that I never imagined doing four years ago. If you told my high school self that I would take on long-distance running as a hobby, I would have laughed in your face. Similarly, I wouldn’t believe you if you said that I would become the News Editor for The Tech, writing many articles about current events at MIT.
Although I am graduating this May, I will be returning in the fall to do my MEng, which means that I am technically not leaving MIT. I will see my fellow editors at The Tech meetings in the fall, and a number of my friends are staying for an MEng. My underclassman friends will still be at MIT. Campus will still be the same familiar place with familiar faces. I will still be in the same research group next year. I appreciate these aspects of continuity, as the shift won’t be significant compared to my friends who are studying at a different institution or working at a company.
Despite staying here for another year, graduation still feels like graduation. Next year won’t be the same. While some view undergraduate graduation for rising MEng students as a “fake” graduation, I consider undergrad and MEng as two distinct phases. I will be a graduate student, which means taking Course 6 graduate classes and devoting a lot of my time toward writing a thesis.
Although the academic difference is one factor for the distinction, the biggest change for me will be leaving French House and living off-campus in an apartment in the fall.
This is something that I am still trying to process. While apartment life has its own perks, I will miss living in French House, a community that has been an integral part of my undergraduate experience at MIT. It is hard for me to imagine an alternate life in which I live in a dorm other than New House, since the kitchen has been the place where I have eaten countless French House dinners, cooked various dishes, had all kinds of conversations, and made many friendships.
Dorm life is not perfect, but there’s something special about living on a floor with around 30 other peers who are your friends. Being surrounded by so many friends has led to many opportunities for social spontaneity, from late-night conversations in the kitchen to baking sessions. As a result, I found my social life at MIT to be quite enriching, which made the academic struggles here much more bearable.
Besides the social aspect of French House, I will miss the home-cooked dinners that not only have provided me with sustenance six times a week, but also have given me a sense of stability throughout my undergrad. No matter how stressful and difficult my day was, I would come to the kitchen for dinner at 6:15 p.m., stop thinking about work as I ate my meal, and talk with people sitting near me. It is from these dinners and small conversations over time that I have gotten to know the people on my floor.
French House has also been a place where many cherished memories were made. I won’t forget the time when my friend got a shopping cart full of pineapples as a secret Santa gift, causing everyone to roar with laughter, or the time another friend made a broccoli-themed dinner and decorated the kitchen with green balloons. I still think of the long late-night conversation I had with the ’24s in the kitchen the night before move out day last year, sharing stories until it was past 3 a.m.
Living at French House has meant so much to me that I became its historian, interviewing alumni for a history project and organizing a 50th anniversary reunion. Although the cultural house has changed a lot over the past 50 years, I am glad that our love for cooking and tight-knit community has remained constant from decade to decade, and I hope that it continues like this in the future.
I won’t be in this type of unique living arrangement ever again. Similarly, I don’t think I will find another community like French House in the future, which saddens me. Despite this, I know that it is time to close this chapter of my life, and move onto the next one. My time at French House has come to an end, but the community will always have a special place in my heart.