eleven
“see the universe shine/and the starlight in your eyes” -rubyeye, c!nah, “my clematis”
4/18/24, 9:55 A.M.:
“i love you, by the way.”
this was the text that made me realize that i truly, definitely, had feelings for my now-boyfriend.
i had contemplated for a few weeks if i was faking those feelings because a) within my friend group, i was notorious for developing crushes on people for the smallest reason and b) if i did have insignificant feelings for him, it would be a major disservice to someone as good as he is. thus, i convinced myself that i was, in fact, not in love with him and that, surely, i was dramatizing my feelings for him… whatever they were. (life lesson: if you have to convince yourself that you’re not in love with someone, you’re probably in love with them.)
somehow, here we are today: march 20th, my eleven month anniversary with my boyfriend. to celebrate, here are eleven assorted things that i love about him and our relationship.
he actively refuses to admit that i’m the better big spoon, even though he’ll always request that i big spoon when we cuddle. i’ll jokingly pull away and say that he must not enjoy it, just to have him immediately pull me back in and let out a “i didn’t say all that.”
he’s the biggest cutie in the world. nobody agrees with me on this, because he puts on this stern, tough persona that people believe for some reason. i think the contrast between how hard he tries to keep up that image and how it all falls apart with me makes him even cuter.
i admire how driven he is. although he is heavily overcommitted (and really should stop doing that to himself), he has the ability to accomplish whatever he puts his mind to despite its difficulty. i don’t understand how he has the willpower or the time to do any of it.
despite the both of us being extremely hosed and us living (relatively) far from one another, we always find time for one another. we’ll be busy all day, and late at night, one of us will go to the other’s room (although i normally have him come to me because my bed is bigger) just to spend a few hours together. i treasure those moments more than anything in the world.
i love our banter and how we make (lighthearted) fun of one another. i find it to be incredibly endearing and a sign of how comfortable we are with each other. i’ll buy him cases of redbull and make fun of his caffeine addiction (to which he’ll say “i can stop anytime i want to!”) and he calls me his gross pre-med while simultaneously praising my efforts.
he’s direct — some people would say “to a fault,” but i love how he never holds his tongue. there’s no hidden meaning in what he says to me, so it means i can take his words at face value, which is extremely reassuring because i overthink everything.
when we’re alone, his voice takes on a smooth, soft register. i melt every time he calls me adorable with that voice and kisses me on the forehead. he also likes to call me a variety of food-related pet names (muffin is my favorite).
i’m really sensitive and i worry a lot (especially about my boyfriend) and he doesn’t mind that my emotions are so extreme. he reassures me anytime i cry, even if it’s over something really small or nonsensical. it’s slightly embarrassing to be this vulnerable with someone, but isn’t that what a relationship is all about?
we bring out the best in each other. over the course of our relationship, he’s put up significantly fewer walls and communicates his needs, wants, and concerns with me without hesitation. i’ve also become less reactive to conflicts and better able to internally establish healthy boundaries between me and him. we’ve helped each other grow immensely in ways that i sometimes can’t believe — isn’t it crazy how much of an impact one person can have?
i love how we are complete opposites. he hates eggs (my favorite food), runs cold (i use him to cool down my body, which runs hot), is a late sleeper (i’m dead asleep by midnight most days), and hates pda (i love being openly simpy, but i hold off for his sake). although we might seem to clash at first glance, i think we act as each other’s complement. we really are the embodiment of “opposites attract.”
every day i’m with him, i become happier. not to say that my happiness depends on him, but i enjoy simply being a part of his life, even if i’m not at the forefront of it. i tend to be a very low-maintenance yet highly invested person when it comes to friendships and romantic relationships, and the fact that i get to live alongside him is such an honor.